Stuck to Unstuck

I was sitting outside by the fireplace, feeling the satisfaction of having cleared another room, when Dave stepped onto the porch and said, "I don't like being in limbo." I answered, "Nobody likes being in limbo. But I'm glad we're not stuck."

He had good reason to feel that way. In my last post, I told you about our big decision to sell our home, and how the compounding effect of small decisions gave us the courage to make that big one. Well — we're under contract now! As we start boxing up our things, this major life transition is feeling very real. We're not just talking about selling the house someday. That day is here. No wonder we're both feeling suspended somewhere between the old life and the new one.

That word — stuck — is the one that matters here. Most people don't like feeling stuck, any more than Dave likes feeling in limbo. We think about the things we'd like to do, the unfulfilled dreams we'd like to explore. We wonder if there's something more, and we realize life is short — and getting shorter. I used to count how many good decades I think I have left. The number keeps getting smaller.

And yet, being stuck is a common place to find ourselves. Not because we choose it, but because we don't know how to get unstuck — or the effort it would take feels too overwhelming, not worth it. Or we lack confidence in our own ability to move forward, try something new, let go of what feels comfortable and known.

It's easy to look at people who move through that inertia and assume they're just braver, or more at ease with risk — that they have something we don't. But in most cases, that's not it. They're acting while feeling uncomfortable and unsure, same as the rest of us. As William Bridges writes in The Way of Transition, "Life isn't the old way, but it's not a new way yet either." Limbo.

So what helps us move from stuck to unstuck? We start before we feel ready — before we're confident it's even what we want. Small decisions, guided by a vision of what we want to create or change or experience. Not big decisions, just daily chances to move the needle, test an idea, get a feel for a dream.

Think of it as "just practicing" — you're not expected to be good at it yet, or even sure you'll like it. You just get to find out how it feels to be on that path.

Start by naming what you'd like to create, experience, or test out. Then make a few small decisions each day that align with it. Sometimes it's as simple as dressing the part: I know a woman who lived in Kansas City and wanted to be a writer in New York. She started eating bagels, wearing black, writing from coffee shops — because that was her picture of how that kind of person lives. She got herself to New York. Published a book. Now writes from her favorite coffee shop.

That's the quiet work of getting unstuck: dressing the part before we feel like the part fits, one small decision at a time, until one day we look up and realize we're not trying it on anymore. We're living it.

So here's what I'd ask you: what's one thing you've been telling yourself you'll do "someday"? What would it look like to practice it, just for today?

If you haven't read 5 Great Decisions yet, this is a lot of what it's built on — the idea that we don't need one big, brave leap, just a handful of small, intentional decisions each day. There's more in the book about how to identify those decisions and put them into practice, and I think it'll add a lot to however you're already thinking about your own "stuck to unstuck.